Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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