Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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