Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
