There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
