How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
