I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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