Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
