Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
