I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
