i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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