I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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