You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And the cops told us we were all naked.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
