Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
