I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I CAN MOONWALK!
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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