just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
