Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
