I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
