do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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