The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
