if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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