And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
