community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
