Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
