i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
