Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
