peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
