If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
