my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
