Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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