i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
