And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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