"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
