Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
