We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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