i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
