i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
