he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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