he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
