she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
