3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
