Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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