so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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