1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
