what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize