Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i dont even know how to be here
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
