You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Randomize
