Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
