i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am available for nakedness
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
