Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
