so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
dude. I can hear the air.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
