in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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