I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
pray to the hookup gods
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
